Bundeena: ‘noise like thunder’
View from the windows of Simpsons Cottage (Dharawal Country)
Daniel surprised us with a week long stay at Simpsons Cottage back in September to celebrate our anniversary. This beautiful sandstone home has become an integral part of our family story. We were both engaged and married here, so it felt important to make memories in this place again but this time, with our son.
So much has changed since our last stay, it’s impossible to fully imagine those younger versions of ourselves that exist now only in photographs. I could feel memories creeping in and blending themselves with the experiences we were having this visit.
To borrow Holger Thoss’ words, “time is a soup”.
The cottage - now or then?
Much to my delight, my step mum had gifted me her old Ricoh S-30 point and shoot just prior to our departure with a few rolls of expired film too. I used a 17 year old roll of Kodak Gold to test the camera and really loved this handful of scans that came from it.
The locals
We don’t go anywhere without cars
A very special surprise - long lunch, and afternoon spent with family and friends
Rock (stick, car, table, hands, tee shirt and face) painting with dad
A swim at Hordens Beach, just a few minutes from the cottage - the location of our very first date
It made my mama heart sing to see my little boy exploring each day, witnessing native animals in the wild, foraging, or embarking on mini adventures down the garden steps to Simpsons bay to throw rocks into the water. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment, a cosy home for our little family, but I do long for the day when green space is at our fingertips and I can watch our son(s) playing outdoors, being wild, getting dirty, as nature intended them to do so.
Adventure boots
Bird watching, an underrated pass-time
Snake spotting on the property. I am terrified of snakes but appreciate their beauty and so I bravely got closer than I’d like to so I could remember it.
Did I mention I was proud?
First you find the perfect rock, then you throw it and wait for the Splash! Repeat.
Always impressed by dad’s rock throwing skills
“Let’s make muse-cec mum”
The kid that belongs in bodies of water
One reliable snack time visitor
Grateful for the times when he takes the camera from me and makes pictures of us - I can feel this hug!
He is allergic to 95% of plants so even though these flowers were a gift, they couldn’t live in the house with us, but we still made the most of them
Alfie & his best bear friend
Otto
Waiting for the ferry: Bundeena > Cronulla
We didn’t forget the cars
His ‘amnal’ hat which has since gone missing
I wish I knew what you were thinking…
Tom Thumb II - the little boat that transferred us as newly weds to our reception venue
Everyday faces
continued…
Adventures are his love language
Stark naked hallway runs
When Buzz commands our attention, we obey
The bouquet, a beautiful gift from friends
Just as you were (mostly starkers, often your costume of choice)
I felt an unnatural urge to document my body (and its story) on this trip, perhaps my intuition taking over, knowing that change was coming.
For as long as I can remember (since early childhood), I have picked at my skin during times of stress, or anxiety - often a subconcious action. When I was around 34, I was diagnosed with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) after opening up to a healthcare professional who didn’t immediately view my actions as self harm, but something else entirely which is known as excoriation disorder. My skin was quite bad at the time these photographs were taken, not that it’s very evident.
This one shows a little more of the open wounds and scarring and reminds me of Sarah Wilson’s book titled, “First we make the beast beautiful”
No, not one single photo of the flowers in colour
One reality of excoriation disorder: band-aids are always required and they’re not cheap when you’re caught in the sad, but very real loop of putting them on, removing them, and then repeating the damage. Another reality is that many people who live with this, myself included, are constantly trying to cover their bodies out of shame, and because of the endless commentary or questions like, “Why don’t you just stop doing it?” or one of my favourites,“Have you tried cutting your fingernails?” The answer is YES!
This is me, four weeks pregnant and absolutely clueless with not one, but two little boys. I always thought it would take some time to fall pregnant again like it had in the past, but this was nothing like what I expected. A small part of me believes that a leg in Vietnam only weeks before made a world of difference.
It feels important to note that if you ever want to gift a woman, especially a mother, anything at all - give her time. Time to do something that scares her a little, something she cares deeply about, and let her do it alone. She will return stronger, more aligned with herself, reconnected to the woman she is alongside the mother she’s become. I’m so grateful that I have a partner who supported and encouraged me to do just that.
The man who encourages and supports my dreams
It is worth noting that my anxiety and OCD have been almost absent during this pregnancy, except in extremely stressful moments of medical ups and downs which I will write about another time. My skin has mostly cleared up, except for the scars, but I find myself embracing these more as I age as they are a part of who I am.
The black and white photographs in this post were taken on Ilford HP5 400, on my trusty (pilfered from an ex workplace) Canon EOS 500 with 50mm lens. Sadly, there is a roll of film stuck inside the Ricoh from this getaway, I will be seeking help from my local lab to retrieve it soon. The Ricoh may also be the third point and shoot I had die on me in 2025, alongside 2x Autoboys.
RIP.
Reflecting on this time has brought me a lot of joy and gratitude for my life. Writing this post felt as if I was returning to myself.